“No Good Deed, Goes Unpunished,” said Oscar Wilde

Recently, I was reflecting on times I thought I was helping friends, family, or colleagues, and later discovered that folks were bitter or ungrateful after receiving my help.

I thought of the quote: “No good deed goes unpunished,” by Oscar Wilde.

Previously, I did not understand “No good deed goes unpunished.” It just did not make any sense. In turn, I did not understand why anyone would be mad or resentful to me after I had helped them. Then, after years of experiences where I helped or gave, It hit me. I realized that folks were mad or perturbed that the help came from me. I still helped — even if I didn’t care for their ways.

Later, after helping folks out of dire situations, they’d find a way to let me know they didn’t really need the help, the money, support, or — the “talk off the ledge.” I always agree with them. “You’re right — my bad.” I never discussed the situation again, unless they brought it up. My Annie— grandmother, was of this nature.

Upon reflection, I agree with them: they did not need my help, but I needed to help them. The assistance was not for them to respond. There was no contract. Whenever we do something for someone, we (should) do so with the understanding that we may never get “it” (love, money, support, or service) back; or, that they may turn on you, instead. We were a tool to share a service or uplift in need. Stop becoming mad at who we consider “ungrateful” people. Stop expecting what some folks don’t have to give. ...and, by “give” I do not mean money. Remember, they were already living from a point of “lack.”

In review, we should not become angry or perturbed when folks fail to acknowledge our efforts, or when they fail to return favors. They owe us nothing. We gave because essentially we wanted to, and we gave what we wanted. Instead, we should learn through their life-lessons. We will begin to understand why they have nothing — friends, love, money, or finances. Maybe instead, the individuals were our lesson. It could be that they do not have what they seem to need (or thought they needed) because it was not for them. We needed to learn that lesson: when to give, and when not to give.

Understand, some people are supposed to struggle. They stay in “struggle-season” because they haven’t learned their lesson in their present context. We need to stop interfering with people in the middle of their “lesson.” Folks are retained as they need to repeat the class. They lack because they expect...